“So…”, my 75-year-old retired engineer father-in-law begins, “what’s RJ’s report card look like???”. This was a question that took me by surprise in the middle of a homeschool day last week. How do I answer this so that I don’t have to take an hour away from our already constrained homeschool schedule yet do it succinctly enough that he understands? I reply without much pause: “RJ doesn’t get a report card like the public school kids, Pop.”
“Well…how’s he doing in math? Is it better than his reading???” Ouch. Was that an intentional zinger or a well-intentioned yet misspoken voice of concern? Within a split second I realize it is my turn to be officially squeezed under the homeschool microscope…a place I knew that I already lived although not strikingly reminded of it on a daily basis. Today was the full frontal assault by a well-meaning and understandably concerned grandpa. His 7-year-old grandson is, after all, having trouble reading. This fact has caused me some level of concern during this past year but I’ve been pretty good about shoving my concerns aside (thanks in large part to the MANY articles I’ve read from other homeschooling moms who have shared how their children have each taken a different length of time to read based on their individual developmental stages) and I try desperately not to be tempted to compare my child’s progress with those of others his age. Perhaps it was the Christmas card that Pop received from his nephew and his family on the west coast that mentioned how their 7-year-old private-schooled daughter was now reading her third Harry Potter book. I have to admit that I gulped when I read that statement in the same card we received…then hurriedly buried the thought in the “Don’t You Dare Compare” mental file.
“Well, Pop,” I responded, “if you’re asking if RJ can convert celsius to farenheit and vice versa like your sister did at the age of five…then no.” I cringed after the words came out of my mouth but I knew that his genius sister (who I adore) was one of his measuring sticks. She is the same sister who was allegedly potty trained at nine months of age and is, undoubtedly, the reference against which my 3.5 year old, who refuses to make any progress in this area (see my post on The Art of Poop Management), is being measured.
“Then how do you know how well he’s doing?” Pop asks.
“I know he’s doing well when he masters his lessons. Sometimes it can take 2 days to master a lesson, other times 2 weeks. We go at his pace, Pop. That’s the beauty of homeschooling.”
It wasn’t a spectacularly articulate explanation and I’m not sure how well he received it but I got the feeling he wasn’t walking away with the warm and fuzzies. Can’t say I blame him. Most times I don’t walk away with the warm and fuzzies. Most times I wonder what in tarnation am I doing trying to educate my beloved boy…I am for sure going to ruin him. The good news is that most times I’m also quick to knock those moments of insecurity out into the poop pile. But when I’m officially under that microscope…jeez louise…I am just not in love with that feeling AT ALL.
The last thing I want is to cause our friends and family concern. Scratch that. The next to the last thing I want is to cause our friends and family concern. The last thing that I want is to do wrong by my child and throw him into the lion’s den every day…all day. I’ll take that uncomfortable feeling of being under the microscope, scrutinized up close as well as from afar, any day of the week in exchange for the knowledge that my child is exactly where he belongs: home with us. I’m going to give him the best education I know how. And if I can’t…then I’ll find a resource to help make it happen. But that resource will no way, no how, not ever be the public school system…or even a private school system. The goals set for our children are (first) spiritual, (second) character-based, and (third) academic…in that order. I certainly trip throughout the days, weeks and years keeping those priorities straight but they ARE what we strive for.
The magnification of the homeschool microscope I’m under pales in comparison to the magnification of the microscope that God has me under. That’s a slide under which I’m perfectly content being under even as uncomfortable as it, too, may be. I will happily expose my transparent flaws with the knowledge that He will fix what needs fixing when He deems it’s time to be fixed.
In the meantime, however, I guess I’ll have to develop callouses on my homeschool tissue so that intentioned or unintentioned zingers don’t cause me to doubt myself or the path we’ve chosen. That shouldn’t be too tough to do. If there’s one thing I’ve gotten good at over the years…it’s the building up of callouses where they need to be (and sometimes where they don’t need to be…but that’s a post for another time). 
Oh, Irene, Irene, Irene! I loved this post. For more reasons than one! I’ve been asked similarly posed questions (I think everyone has) wondering if it was well meaning or not. I’ve had similar family/friends with prodigies in their midst, whom are clearly NOT my child. And you worry, worry, worry, if, in this comparison you really ARE doing enough for your child.
Your paragraph on why the children are “home with us” ties it together and is a good reminder of why we are doing what we are doing.
I really think that your father in laws generation is a generation apart. They were honed by something much much more than any education private or public could give them. Adversity. Our generation of children will have very different drives. Not differing intelligence, mind you, but different drives and ways at which they reach that intelligence, and perhaps that is what FIL is not seeing.
And the amazing potty trained sister? I had to laugh at that, as I’ve heard that story a number of times too. How simple it is to potty train, right??
M
Hey Darling…stop freting…I know RJ and he is brilliant he will read when he finds he needs to not when you want him to – it’s just his way. Now you know I always appluad your decision to homeschool but I will mention here that Private Schools and Public schools are not the enemy. Every child and parent has to find the environment and situation that works best both educationally, spirtually and financially for thier family. As a private school parent who may have to eventually send thier child to a public school whose state gets rated as a D minus that is a decision I will have to make at some time.
I like to leave all my doors and possabilities open and would hope that we as a community do not pit each parents choice against them. We are all doing the best we know how to raise our children. I am so proud of you and all the homeschool parents. I have never met a homeschool parent who doesn’t have thier childs best interest at heart. It is such a wonderful alternative.
Just remember that when your father in law asks these questions he is an analytical sort. Maybe having some analytical answers for him would assuage his fears…ie. Some famous people _______ fill in the blank were homeschooled. ____% of homeschool children go on to college. Now you don’t have to do that with him BUT it might make your life a little less stressful.
By the way my DD is already talking about coming out and helping your DS potty train…don’t ask me why but she said she would help him. I asked how and she said she would sit in the potty and play with him. This I can’t wait to see.
Remember in the wonderful words of Albert Einstein ” Great Spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds”
My Darling Tracy,
Never did I mean to cause a divide among parents or judge them for their choices. If that was my tone then shame on me! I have never referred to the public school system as the “enemy” but it simply isn’t my first choice on where I want my children to be. I have written in other posts on my blog that I recognize the value of public (and private) education but chose the homeschooling alternative for my own children not just because I can but because of specific reasons wanting to!
Good advice on how to better prepare myself for the zingers. Funny you should mention Albert Einstein…he was homeschooled, too! (Check out http://www.christianhomeschoolers.com/hs_famous_homeschoolers.html).
I cannot WAIT for your beautiful & funny DD to show my DS2 how to nail down the whole pooping in the potty thing. I will have my camera ready and waiting! Can’t wait to see you guys! XOXOX
I know EXACTLY how you feel! My mom forwards me copies of my nephew and neice’s straight A report cards along with pictures and newspaper clippings of other miscellaneous achievements. However, when I’m around them, I can see the difference between “regular” schoolkids and our homeschool friends. Not that homeschool kids are perfect (mine sure aren’t!), but it seems that they retain a little innocence and creativity that you don’t find in the average child. Your son has the best teacher in the world at his disposal. NO ONE else loves him and knows him like you do. Who cares when he learns to read. He WILL learn! He’s only 7!!! Relax and enjoy your journey. You will BOTH cherish this time for the rest of your lives!
Irene, my thoughts were along those of Maria’s, he may be of a generation that was able to value the education provided by ps, that it was a privilege.
In the beginning, we didn’t tell my dad that we’d pulled myd dd from 1st grade for a few months. When we did tell him, I know he thought we were very odd. (As up until that point, I’d thought hsers were odd!) He later became a huge fan. As my kids get older, he’s gone to that “they should go to public high school to get socialized.” I try to humor him.
I know he cares.